It’s strange how as soon as something affects you in life, it feels like everything you see on TV or read about is about that particular thing. I vividly remember when I first found out I had cancer, it felt like every TV show, advert and front-page headline was about cancer, but in reality, it had always been there, it was just so much more prevalent now that it was affecting me directly.
Looking back now, I feel like the last year, as horrendous as it was, has made me think differently about things. Apart from being an emotional wreck at times, it has opened my eyes to the important things in life and where my time and energy is best spent. I’ve met some of the strongest and most positive people during this experience and it’s taught me that life isn’t fair and bad things do happen to good people but life goes on and you have to keep fighting.
I remember speaking with my consultant after my operation back in February, I had never wanted to ask beforehand, as I don’t think deep down I was ready to discover the answer, but I needed to know how long I would have had, had the cancer not been discovered when it was. I was expecting a few years, but he replied, ‘around 2 months, until it would have been too far advanced to treat.’ I suddenly felt like the wind had been knocked out of me and it suddenly made me realise just how lucky I was.
I’m not somebody who thinks too deeply about things, but it does make you begin to re-evaluate everything in life, and how differently things could have played out, had I not been admitted to hospital when I was. It’s a scary prospect.
I remember when they first diagnosed me and told me that the main tumour was in my bowel but had also spread to my lymph nodes and liver, and there was a chance it was visible in my ovaries. My consultant asked me if I was planning on having any more children as it would require a full hysterectomy in addition to my other surgeries. I am so lucky I have 2 beautiful children, however in a moment that option could have been taken away. I guess what I’m trying to say is you never know what is round the corner, live for the moment, and enjoy life. I’m grateful for every Christmas I will get to spend with my family and friends and every birthday I will get to celebrate. Never have I realised so much, how fragile life really is…
Things I’ve learnt this year:
To appreciate my incredible family and friends, even more so than I already did- they have kept me going this year and without them I’d be a mess!
To not feel guilty about taking time to rest- I often feel like a lesser person if I’m not constantly on the go, but this year I’ve had to stop (mainly as I couldn’t get up the stairs without nearly passing out!)
To listen to my body- the signs were all there, but I chose to ignore them for too long and make excuses for the symptoms, thank goodness I got checked out when I did.
Not to care too much about what other people think- I’m just bloody grateful to be here, scars and all!
And finally, not to take laxatives before leaving the house… enough said!
